FORGET NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS: GO FOR EVERYDAY INCREMENTAL CHANGE INSTEAD

Everyday, and multiple times per day, people ask the essential question of: ‘How do I get here from there?’ And they proceed to berate themselves for ‘not having done anything,’’ which is rarely true. That is, they ignore the smaller steps they’ve taken because they believe those are useless in comparison to meeting the real … Continue reading

HOW TO CHANGE ANYTHING: Successive Approximation and Altering Narratives

I’ve been meaning to discuss Successive Approximation forever; I mention it often in normal conversation (at least, ‘normal’ for me) and in several writings. It is, very simply, one of the cornerstones of human change. It facilitates working toward new goals, changing attitudes and behavior, and even altering the negative beliefs about self (narratives) that … Continue reading

CAN YOU POSSIBLY STAY ATTRACTED TO THE SAME PERSON OVER TIME? Take Some Hints From Your Behavior in the Workplace

This is a critical issue, because people believe that the very nature of constantly dealing with one person through all the  difficulties and troubles in life would produce boredom. But – and this is a big but – consider the fact that so many relationships (and affairs) actually begin in the workplace as a result … Continue reading

PARENTIFIED CHILDREN

Sometimes, as children, we take care of our caretakers with the unwitting hope that they’ll ultimately be able to take care of us. But, in reality, it rarely ever happens. Parentified Children (PCs) never realize they’re holding the home together or keeping the parent (and family) functioning – because it’s just what’s ‘normal’ in their … Continue reading

BEWARE THE GIVER II

It’s always fascinating when people identify themselves as ‘the giver’ in the relationship. With that self-ordained moniker, it’s clear that they’re unable to perceive how the other gives and participates, and more pointedly, they fail to recognize how they themselves ‘take’ from their partners. It’s problematic on a number of levels: the identified giver becomes … Continue reading