Linda is in a dilemma. She tells me that her boyfriend of three years has not only gone to another city after losing a job – without looking first in New York –  but he’s also avidly emailing flirtatiously with another woman. And when she asked him whether it was true, he replied, “I should … Continue reading →

HOGGING THE WANTING This is a concept that often moves people to start questioning: And for those willing to look at themselves and their patterns in relationships, they have an “ah-ha!” moment when they begin to understand how it relates to mistakes they’ve been making. What is it to hog the wanting? You may have … Continue reading →

An odd thing happens when we start recognizing that our newly cherished partner has flaws or, more realistically, when we begin glimpsing their human disarray. But the problem isn’t at all that they have flaws; it’s that we want to believe that we’ve somehow finally found someone close to perfect, who won’t have the problems … Continue reading →

So many people have the misguided belief that their partner (of longstanding or their fairly new boyfriend or girlfriend – or even a friend) should reassure them – in a range of areas – so that they can feel secure in the relationship. Or that the partner should reassure and assuage them when they’re tense … Continue reading →

  A woman recently asked, “Well, if I don’t do hook ups, how will I come to have a relationship? And she was incredulous when I told her that the more she hooks up, the longer it’ll take before she’s truly with someone. This happens because with every hook-up, you’re practicing unsuccessful behaviors (and the … Continue reading →

When my patient asked me this evening, “Well isn’t it good to be casual about sex and relationships in the beginning?, I reminded her that connection and love and even ‘like’ are damn serious; there’s nothing casual about them.  Her point was that it should be better to be casual than to be desperate; but … Continue reading →

The problem with having to say this to someone is more about the fact that the person has to be told; it means that for a variety of reasons, she won’t accept the reality that someone may not be interested in her. And it’s this unwillingness – in fact, the intractability – that will make … Continue reading →

True ‘givers’ don’t define themselves as such because they know they’re also healthy receivers – and are comfortable with that. Mark sat down in my office for the first session and announced that he’s the “giver” in the relationship. He was a man with an agenda: That is, to introduce me to what he was … Continue reading →

As a cognitive/behavioral psychologist, I work by collaborating with you to identify problem areas and devise manageable strategies in the service of gradual, stepwise change. Our work looks at perceptions, thoughts, feelings and behavior and helps you alter and manage these. The fact that you are indeed able to make change becomes surprisingly clear to … Continue reading →