From early on, we learn which roles we need to play in order to be loved, rewarded, and feel integrated within the functioning of the family (you may have trouble with the concept, believing that all family love is unconditional, but no matter how much we’re truly loved as children, we get subliminal messages as … Continue reading →

We’re shadow boxing whenever we’re making assumptions about what the other person feels, thinks, believes and how he’ll behave..It’s about our expectations – and the perceived likelihood of them (not) being met. Exacerbating this, we behave as if our beliefs about the other are true, and then react to the ‘effigy’ we’ve created rather than … Continue reading →

I remind people often when getting into relationships or starting to date someone new to ‘look for the data’. That is, particularly as people know more about themselves and the mistakes they’ve tended to make interpersonally, including in the selection process – i.e., the kinds of people they keep choosing –  it’s critical to pay … Continue reading →

If you’re a conflict avoider, then, by definition, you’re a conflict creator (or co-creator)  – and this holds true whether it’s a personal or a professional relationship. When another person does/says something that you don’t like there are consequences: frustration, anger, hurt, annoyance, resentment and so on. And those feelings will out. Some people have pretty … Continue reading →

Meta-conversations are some of the most interesting kinds of interactions we can have and are essential to greater understanding between people –  interpersonally, professionally and otherwise. Parsimoniously speaking, it’s a way of addressing how we’re speaking about things, and how those ways may be interfering with solutions and progress – and then correcting them. Oddly … Continue reading →

People have a habit, borne out of difficulties talking about sexual desires (and fears about the other’s response), of holding things in and by the time they do say something, they express it as a complaint; that the other was somehow remiss, not noticing enough, too selfish, inexperienced, too kinky, not kinky enough, and so … Continue reading →

  ENDURING FEELINGS OF BEING ALONE Posted on March 14, 2014 by GLENNMARRONPHDLeave a comment To observe how uncomfortable we are with being alone, just watch any collection of individuals in a moment of time: at a train station, in an elevator, on the street – anywhere, really: We’re all checking our phones. It’s as … Continue reading →

The Hog is stopped in his tracks when the other wants something too. This is the time to work through feelings of ambivalence. People who aren’t fairly self-incisive don’t tend to want to look at their own motives. But ambivalence is the nature of all human relationships. It’s just that people are frightened by it … Continue reading →

So many early relationships fall apart before they even have legs because, without realizing it, one or the other persists in looking for signs of reassurance. Andrew will have been on a date that went well. He’ll have really liked him, and avidly wants his new guy to feel the same. Andrew “shows his appreciation” … Continue reading →

One of the more persistent questions is whether couples can actually stay excited and attracted. And I’m a firm believer that they can. Contrary to the prevailing belief that long term (LT) relationships must inevitably lose ardor, there are several aspects of relating that, once understood, can keep attraction pretty robust. But these critical variables … Continue reading →